Bondage 101 – How to start safely

Bondage and BDSM or Bondage, Discipline, Submission, sadoMasochism is the variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying involving the elements of bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism.

BDSM is a great way expand a sex life, build or enhance a relationship or even create an entire lifestyle from.

However it’s not without it’s nuances and if you’re going to get started, it’s important to understand the fundamentals so you can practice safely and ensure all parties enjoy the activity.

At the very core of Bondage and BDSM more broadly is a mutual understanding. An understanding by both parties of what’s going to be undertaken, who is responsible for what and what both parties are accepting of.

This is paramount because anything else represents abuse and that is something BDSM certainly does not stand for. No-one in the BDSM community, no matter how involved they are, will stand for and must be stamped out.

Both parties must have an initial discussion on what will be done. Even if it’s an initial experiementation, things such as boundaries, desires, safewords, equipment and limits must be discussed.

In later sessions with the same person an experienced Dom will begin to understand what constitutes a sub’s limit and can therefore act accordingly, but in the early stages this must be discussed.

Once you’ve had the discussion and created a mutual understanding, it’s time to move onto the most important element, Safe Words.

The most important part of BDSM is safe words. Safe words allow the sub to have control over what’s happening to them, and allows them to stop proceedings if needs be.

Safe words are used ALL the time, save for very very experienced practictioners who know each others limits, but even then that is highly unrecommended.

Soft Stop

Often referred to as Yellow or Orange, this stop basically means the sub’s threshold has been met and they need a break. It also often means that the limit to which the Dom went to most recently was too much and it is advisable that the Dom brings down the intensity a little.

Hard Stop

Often referred to as Red, this means stop the session immediately. For any number of reasons, the reasons don’t matter. When the Hard Stop words is used, it’s time for the session to end. All activity must stop and the sub must be unrestrained if they are tied at the time.

Once safe words are discussed and set, it’s time to move onto understanding your subs body.

Whilst a large part of BDSM is mental and sensual, whether it be rules, instructions or sensory deprivation, the majority of this is controlled through the sub’s body.

It might be certain rules that impact how a sub can use their own body or what they are to do with it, or it might be a particular sensation or pain a Dom may wish to inflict on their sub.

In any case, the body is an integral part.

It’s important that a Dom understands what areas of a subs body react in what ways. This can mean sensitivity levels or it can mean perhaps areas that are insensitive, inflexible or some other thing.

If this hasn’t been discussed, it is advisable for a Dom, particularly one working with a new sub, to slowly experiment with body parts. This can simply be by manipulating that body part with their hands at first, before other implements are involved.

One of the most commonly used elements of BDSM and a part that most people begin with is restraint. Restraining your sub allows you to do whatever you want with them, and is typically the very essence of BDSM.

The simplest way to start here is with wrist restraints. It’s an easy way of getting used to restraining your sub and will get your sub used to being unable to move.

It’s also a safe way because there aren’t too many positions you can put a person in with their wrists tied that will cause any serious issue. Start simply by tieing their hands behind their back, that’s an easy spot to start!

The image you see above you here is an example of what NOT to do if you are just starting off. Whilst this might look like some idealic picture, there are a lot of things that could go wrong in this image and it is NOT something an inexperienced Dom can do.

Following the above guidelines will help you ensure you and your sub’s BDSM experiences are safe with the appropriate intensity levels.

Stay tuned for updates to this guide.